Yucky Weekend

Hard at work.

Ben, strike a pose.

A little too much love, big brother.

Christian's shirt is suppose to say "SEEK" and Ben's shirt is suppose to say "DESTROY." The gal that made them got a little confused, but they are still cute, just not what I had in mind.

Last Saturday was cold and wet. Not a good day to go outside, but a great day for playdough. It was a nice family day. Playdough, piano, dancing, wrestling, naps, naps, naps, blocks.....eating, naps....

Loss

It's taken me a long time to get up the nerve to write about this. I'm not writing this as a reminder, because I will never forget, but I feel compelled to recognize it through our family blog.

Last year Aaron and I were expecting our 3rd child. I miscarried in November-about 8 weeks pregnant. It was so much more devastating that I could have ever imagined. In some way I feel like I will continue to morn for the rest of my life.

I was so thankful that Aaron was there with me for the visit. The children were there too, and I had gotten them all excited about seeing their baby brother/sister on the "TV screen." I had explained to them that it will not look like a baby, but more like a peanut, and that over time we will be able to see arms, legs, ears, mouth...etc. They were really anticipating it all. Ugh, I wish I wouldn't have told them. What a terrible feeling. Our entire family was all staring up at the screen, waiting to see it. I just kept searching for it. I couldn't understand why the technician was having such a hard time. I flooded her with questions and she wouldn't give me any direct answers. I'm not going to get into the details that follow, but after meeting with the doctor we decided to let my body do it's natural thing and we left the office, our hearts full of despair.

The boys had a lot of questions on the way home, and Aaron tried to keep them quiet for my sake. He called some family that was awaiting the news. They just weren't expecting what Aaron had told them.

There were some awkward moments later on. People who didn't know what had happened kept telling me that I was looking great, or were asking me how I was feeling. Sometime I didn't even tell the truth. I just smiled and told them I was feeling fine, and quickly got away to go cry somewhere.

To this day, if Christian sees a pregnant women, he understands that there is a baby in there. He usually says that his "baby sister" is with Jesus, and waits for me to reaffirm him. He was convinced that he was going to have a baby sister.

There was something that Beth told me that really brought comfort. She said that She and Big Poppa (her husband) had all these grand babies to themselves, but now Rick (Aaron's father) has a grand baby of his own to hold up there in heaven.

I know a lot of friends that got pregnant again right away after miscarrying. Perhaps that would have been a better road for us - another baby to fill the void and pain of losing the last. They say that you are even more fertile afterwords. I wonder if that is part of God's plan. Maybe he knows that it would help a women to cope if she had the joy of another child within her. I still cry over it all. It takes me by surprise sometimes. Sometimes we have to leave Church early because there are sooo many little newborn babies, and I just can't keep it together.

If you have a few moments in the day, please pray for God to heal my broken heart. Or maybe to equip me to handle it better so that I don't break down every time I see him bless another family with a healthy newborn.

I am so very blessed to have two healthy children and a wonderful husband, and I really do thank God for it.

I am looking forward to meeting our little one in heaven one day.

Poor Little Guy

This is Christian's 3rd blow to the head. I forgot to blog about the first two.

Blow #1; he and Daddy's were playing "Ninja" and Christian fell and punctured his head on the carved wood on our headboard. We didn't want to overreact to we asked out neighbor who is the fire chief, and give us his opinion on it. He felt like it would be okay as long as we could get it to stop bleeding. (Christian thought it was really cool that a fire fighter was looking at his head)

Blow # 2; he and Ben were playing guns and he ran around the corner and smacked his head into the chair rail in the dining room. We didn't need a second opinion on that one. We hauled him up to the hospital pretty quick. The doctor put some glue on it, and we headed home. About 1 week ago his hair had finally grown out enough for us to cut the glue out which brings us to blow #3.

Blow #3; this event is a little foggy. Christian claims that Ben "pushed him" and that very well may be true, BUT I think they were wrestling in the dining room and in the midst of that (maybe a gentle nudge from the little brother) he fell and hit his head on the corner of the (wood) stairs. After his last unpleasant trip to the hospital he was convincing me that "it's not bad, Mommy" as his head is dripping blood. I cleaned it up to get a better look and it wasn't that bad. I gave him two options. Either Mommy and Daddy can clean it up, which may hurt a little bit, or we can take you to the Doctor and let him clean it up. He was eager for us to take care of it. We used the liquid band-aid and Christian was extremely cooperative. It still wanting to bleed just a bit, so we bandaged it up before bedtime. We didn't have any medical tape so the big blue stripe around his head is painters tape. It worked pretty good. Christian was being very cautious with how he laid his head on the pillow. Mostly because Aaron told him that if it came off during the night then we may need to take him to the doctor. I'll keep you posted on the healing process. I really hope we don't have to go to the doctor again. He was freaking out the entire time we were there last time.

Easter

A strange face, but it's the only one I got.

Looking for his Easter Basket.

Easter was a little different this year. Christian and Ben were both sick and Christian was running a fever. So, we skipped the eggs in order to be more restful that day. The boys did wake up ready to find there baskets. Ben was looking out the window for his, too funny. Despite the sickness, they perked up at the sight of chocolate bunnies. We didn't get to attend Church (gasp). Isn't that one of the 7 sins; "Not going to Church on Easter Sunday." Just kidding, of course. However we all cuddled up in the bed to go over the true meaning of Easter. I brought out pictures and different Bible stories. I have tried to keep reminding them that Easter is not about the bunny and the candy. "It's a celebration of Christ's resurrection" I kept telling them. Christian listened mostly, but Ben was in la la land. Oddly enough, a week from now Ben will ask me something about Christ's resurrection, and it will totally catch me off guard. "Huh, you mean you were listening to me?"

I just didn't get a lot of pictures. They weren't really in the mood to have their picture taken, poor little guys.

Another Fishing Trip

Christian, catching all the fish

Ben, perturbed because Christian is catching all the fish.

One of many fish for Christian.

Finally, a fish for BEN!


They are a lot bigger in person.

The most amazing catfish pond I have ever fished.

We went fishing again, and this time we caught fish, BIG FISH!!! A family from Church invited us over to fish in their pond just behind their house. They told us it was well stocked, and that they had two ponds. Pond #1 was great for fishing, and Pond #2 required 20lb. test line...if not, then more. (Interesting, I thought)

When we arrived they directed us to Pond #1. The boys were super excited about fishing, especially Christian. (That boy is a true fisherman at heart.) We started off with a couple of brim. They were cute and small and then the gal that invited us came out there with a mason jar full of fish food. She took a handful and tossed it into the pond. The fish went nuts. I'm talking BIG catfish started coming up and eating this dog food looking stuff. We started casting our lines and catching them left and right. Of course Christian caught the first monster and Ben soon after. The boys were freaked over the size of them. I don't think they expected to pull something that big out of the pond, especially after catching those sweet little brim. It took a little time for them to warm up to their size.

After the fish frenzy, we continued to fish and succeeded in catching a few more whoppers. Ben got bored first, but Christian was determined to fish on. I didn't get many pictures because it was all so hectic getting the fish on the bank and replacing worms on the hooks, and keeping Ben from falling in. We had such a good time, and I am so thankful that we were invited. Christian out fished us all. I can't wait until he gets bigger and he can get into deep sea fishing.

Oh, I almost forgot; we went to Pond #2 once we were fished out, and fed those fish as well. They were the biggest catfish I had ever seen in my entire life!!! We were told that they were harder to catch too. (They must be wiser that the little (still big) ones.) On our way home we stopped at the store and picked up the stuff we needed to have a fish fry that night. Mmmm....good stuff.

Little Photographers

I sometimes give the boys my little "point and shoot" camera to take pictures. These are some of the pictures they took.

Hide and Seek

Ben is hidingHe likes to give himself away more than hiding

Christian is hiding, very quiet, and very patient. Nothing like his brother.

When Aaron and I started hiding from the boys they sort of had a hard time finding us. We started giving them hints by meowing, barking, mooing, and whatever other sound we could think of. The kids totally loved it. Now, when they go and hide they immediately bark, meow, and moo in a random pattern until they are found. They are usually very easy to find especially with the loud and random animal sounds they make.

Finger Painting

I had to go to the shop for a few hours to wrap up a couple of things. I felt good about leaving Aaron with the boys, because they had just went down for their nap. This will be a cinch for him...

I get home, and they are all three on the couch watching Net Flix and I ask "So whatcha guys been up to?"

Aaron calmly responds with typical answers;"Just guy stuff...playing...we did a little laundry, and Ben did some finger painting."

"Ben was finger painting?" I asked. This seemed a little unlike Aaron to break out the finger paints and let the boys go to town with it.

He continues with "...well, Ben woke up from his nap, and didn't tell me. Then he started finger painting...WITH HIS POOP!!!"

I truly don't know if I should laugh or gag. Then he told me that right after cleaning it all up, Abe, the humongous dog, walked right into the living room where Aaron was recovering from the trauma, and relieved himself in the middle of the floor. At this point I am giggling -

WELCOME TO MY WORLD! Although I have to say that the "finger painting" incident is a new one on me. The chaos is non-stop in this home. In a small way I consider it a blessing that I wasn't around for "finger painting." The good Lord knows I have a weak stomach.

Job Well Done, Dad, for getting everything cleaned up and reaming calm, cool, and collective.

Gone Fishing

Washing his hands

...what a stud!

Daddy threw the biggest rock

Christian is very serious about fishing. I can't believe how long this kid sat still, all for the sake of a fish. Poor little guy didn't even catch one. He thought he had a fish every 5 to 10 seconds.

What a beautiful sun shiny day! Our family and some friends went to this little spot that Aaron found and had a picnic. After the picnic, we fished, and later went for a walk. The "spot" was great, but there wasn't a fish in sight. The boys didn't care. They had fun anyway. Abe, the humongous dog, got totally muddy. Christian got pretty muddy too, as you can tell in some of the pictures. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that we got the "Burb" stuck as soon as we got there. The Hubs had a twinkle in his eye after getting it out. Something about the satisfaction of being able to drive your way out of a mud hole...I kind of liked it too. It reminded me of the Good 'Ol Mudding Days, prechildren.

Our lives have been so stressful lately, and this day was like medicine for our family. As of this moment I am completely stress free and the husband and children are completely and totally happy. I didn't get any pictures of this, but we all went back to the house and finished the night off with a weenie roast and smores. I just finish bathing Abe, the humongous dog, and come to find out his pretty white coat is STAINED from the mud. I'm sure it will brush out in a couple of days because he is shedding his winter coat all over the house. In a weeks time he will either be bald or have an entirely fresh new (white) coat all together. I'm sure it will be the later.

Just Looking for Trouble!!!!

Ask, and You Shall Receive

Mom, you said you wanted to see some recent pictures of the boys, so here you go!

Nap Time, or Play Time

It's a real struggle trying to get Ben to go to sleep. Whether it's for a nap or he is down for the night, we have to go through a series of "stern" talks a head of time, followed by spankings for not obeying... This literally happens EVERY DAY. Last night I asked Aaron if we should just stop trying. After 8 months, it's obviously not working. He brought up a good point, though. If we give up now, we will be defeated. He feels confident that eventually Ben will get tired of getting spankings. We aren't asking much out of this little guy, people. All we say is that he CAN NOT get out of bed after we put him there, and that he ABSOLUTELY CANNOT get any toys down off the shelve. He can lie there awake, talk to himself, pray, or even sing a song. Every single time he gets our of bed and gets a toy. Not just any toy, but a loud toy that you can here going off from the other end of the house. I truly admire his determination. Definitely a strong willed child. I probably need to read The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson. I hear it's great...

So, I've said all that to set you up for this:

Ben during nap time:

The Wall Hit Me

Christian was limping down the hall this morning, and I asked him what had happened. He preceded to tell me his foot hurt. "Did you stub your toe," I asked (he does this often). He replied, "No, the wall hit me."

Love Bite?

I THINK NOT!!! What you are looking at here is a picture of Christian's back and a sweet little "I love my big brother to death" bite from Ben. They were fighting over a toy, Ben got mad at Christian, and....well...you see what happened. This is actually 12 hrs after it happened, and it's still looking pretty bad.

They really do love each other, though. Honest.

One more note to add: notice all the little hair on Christian's back. He He!! When he asks me why I call him "Monkey" I tell him that it's because of all the monkey hair on his back. He usually gets frustrated with me and tells me that he DOESN'T HAVE MONKEY HAIR ON HIS BACK, but as you all can see, he does. It's really cute. This picture doesn't do it justice, because his back is wet from the bath and it just looks gross. I think he won't have any trouble at all growing a beard when he is older.

Nightmares

This happens all too often. Christian wakes up from a sound sleep, screaming and crying. Still asleep, I can barely make out his words, and nothing calms him. Then all of a sudden, he lays back down and goes right back to sleep.

Naturally, I am searching my mind, tracing all his activities trying to figure out what caused this. A scary cartoon? A bully at Church? A scary picture he saw while grocery shopping? Halloween wasn't that long ago....maybe a spooky costume?

I talked to one of my friends about it, and come to find out her son does the same thing. She read some books about it (better than my panicked reaction), did some research, and told me that in most cases this happens when the child goes through a dramatic change in his/her life. Ugh! The guilt has arrived! This is my fault!

I'm trying not to obsess about it, but it breaks my heart. My best conclusion is that it's because of this business we have started. No more stay at home Mom stuff. At least not for the majority of the time. I take the kids up to the office with me Mon-Fri from 10am-1pm. This is dramatic for them. All schedules have been lost, and life is upside down. This may not seem like a long amount of time, but it is. We spend the morning rushing through breakfast, finding shoes, matching socks...etc. Then after we get home, they go down for naps, and aren't up again until 3:30. We might squeeze in a little bit of playtime before dinner. Then, I start dinner, Aaron gets home, we eat, bath time, bedtime, and the day is gone.

I think that if I had never had the chance to stay at home with them 24/7 then it wouldn't be a big deal. I wouldn't know any better, and it would be "the norm." BUT, I know what it's like, and I know how wonderful it is to vest my time and energy into them all day long. I miss having fun craft days, play dates, projects....or whatever else we wanted to do that day. Yeah, so I turned this post into a "me" thing, but I've got to vent!

I feel as though I am going against God's intentions-partially. Can I say "partial" when talking about God's intentions? Hot or Cold, right? It's like trying to taste both worlds. Career Women vs. Mother and Wife. God called me to be a mother and a wife. Not a business women. Some women say "What about the Proverbs 31 women? She worked!" Um, first of all, in those days, business was not industrialized like it is today. I can almost guarantee she didn't leave the house 7am and return at 7pm. Then throw some frozen dinner together and call it a night. Okay, I'm just going to stop right there. I can write a book about this topic, and my thoughts are all over the place and not making any sense. Plus, I've probably offended some people by now. There, that's it. I'm stepping off my soap box.

In a nutshell, I hope and pray for this time to pass quickly and for my husband to take the reins of the business when it gets to a place where it can support us. Then, our household will be in order, and all will be well. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just dim right now. If you are reading this and I haven't offended you beyond return, then please pray for my family. Pray that God will give me balance, and an eternal perspective on life. Pray that our business may prosper, and my husband can run it on Christian values and principals. Pray for me to get a grip and continue to show my children and husband love, and please pray for my sweet little boy's nightmares to subside.