This happens all too often. Christian wakes up from a sound sleep, screaming and crying. Still asleep, I can barely make out his words, and nothing calms him. Then all of a sudden, he lays back down and goes right back to sleep.
Naturally, I am searching my mind, tracing all his activities trying to figure out what caused this. A scary cartoon? A bully at Church? A scary picture he saw while grocery shopping? Halloween wasn't that long ago....maybe a spooky costume?
I talked to one of my friends about it, and come to find out her son does the same thing. She read some books about it (better than my panicked reaction), did some research, and told me that in most cases this happens when the child goes through a dramatic change in his/her life. Ugh! The guilt has arrived! This is my fault!
I'm trying not to obsess about it, but it breaks my heart. My best conclusion is that it's because of this business we have started. No more stay at home Mom stuff. At least not for the majority of the time. I take the kids up to the office with me Mon-Fri from 10am-1pm. This is dramatic for them. All schedules have been lost, and life is upside down. This may not seem like a long amount of time, but it is. We spend the morning rushing through breakfast, finding shoes, matching socks...etc. Then after we get home, they go down for naps, and aren't up again until 3:30. We might squeeze in a little bit of playtime before dinner. Then, I start dinner, Aaron gets home, we eat, bath time, bedtime, and the day is gone.
I think that if I had never had the chance to stay at home with them 24/7 then it wouldn't be a big deal. I wouldn't know any better, and it would be "the norm." BUT, I know what it's like, and I know how wonderful it is to vest my time and energy into them all day long. I miss having fun craft days, play dates, projects....or whatever else we wanted to do that day. Yeah, so I turned this post into a "me" thing, but I've got to vent!
I feel as though I am going against God's intentions-partially. Can I say "partial" when talking about God's intentions? Hot or Cold, right? It's like trying to taste both worlds. Career Women vs. Mother and Wife. God called me to be a mother and a wife. Not a business women. Some women say "What about the Proverbs 31 women? She worked!" Um, first of all, in those days, business was not industrialized like it is today. I can almost guarantee she didn't leave the house 7am and return at 7pm. Then throw some frozen dinner together and call it a night. Okay, I'm just going to stop right there. I can write a book about this topic, and my thoughts are all over the place and not making any sense. Plus, I've probably offended some people by now. There, that's it. I'm stepping off my soap box.
In a nutshell, I hope and pray for this time to pass quickly and for my husband to take the reins of the business when it gets to a place where it can support us. Then, our household will be in order, and all will be well. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just dim right now. If you are reading this and I haven't offended you beyond return, then please pray for my family. Pray that God will give me balance, and an eternal perspective on life. Pray that our business may prosper, and my husband can run it on Christian values and principals. Pray for me to get a grip and continue to show my children and husband love, and please pray for my sweet little boy's nightmares to subside.
Pool Continued
7 years ago
